So, once upon a time, I liked a guy. (GASP!, right?) Like, with hearts and stuff. (Embarassing, really, but there you are.) So, what to do next? I'd learned before that sitting and waiting isn't always the best option. So.... I call in Goldi for advice.
(In hindsight, that may not have been the best of ideas.)
So, after much consideration, he came up with the following plan: Flirt for about a month, then ask him out.
This sounds good, but it turns out to have one major flaw.
I do not know how to flirt.
So I call Goldi again.
After much deliberation (read: yelling) on both parts, the new plan is put forth: Do it yourself! (Later changed to "Do it yourself, bitch," because "bitch" really is a fun word.)
But because I am not a Gryffindor, it still doesn't quite work. Eventually Goldi decides that enough is enough, and starts threatening actual physical violence. (Pfah, I say! As if he's not constantly at the beach.)
But I figure I'd do it anyway.
The next day, I fail. A lot. I try but... we end up talking about band instead. (Oh, yeah, if you don't know who I'm talking about, too bad for you! xP ) It was actually rather depressing.
So, the next day I try again. I've even got an internal Rent-A-Gryff. Well, I found an inner Gryffindor to visit for a bit. "How hard can it be?" he says. (I notice he looks suspiciously like Goldi.)
I non-chalantly walk up to (ambush) him in the hallway. "So...." I say. (I'm so smooth.)
"So?" says he.
Then I spring on him my highly subtle way of finding out if he's seeing anyone yet.
"Are you seeing anybody?"
As I congratulate myself on my superior tact and cunning, he ponders this.
"Will you go out with me?"
"I'll think about it," he replies.
THE NEXT DAY!
Well, I've got to get an answer, right? I figure the hard part's been done, even if the answer's no, I can't avoid it forever.
So I'll walk with Kaff-winn to class, 'cause his AC is near there. (See ulterior motives, p. 364.) Unfortunately, on the way...
Inner Gryff: Yays! Goin' on an adventure!
Inner Slytherins: *plotplotplot* must preserve self.... must destroy gryff....
I'm afraid you'll have to click here....
Inner Gryff: *is ded.*
Umly's head: *feels light*
Me: Urgh... I'll think I'll go back now. Bye, Kaff-winn! *flees*
So no answer that day.
Flash forward about TWO BLOODY WEEKS. (By this time I'm thinking I've lost my mind and I halucinated the whole thing. "Excuse me, have you seen my mind?" I ask. "It's about this big, pink, kinda squishy?" How do you ask someone if you asked them out?)
Anyway, I wait until he's alone after lunch and walk reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllly slooooooowly 'til he catches up.
"Did you ever answer my question?" I ask.
"No, I didn't... I couldn't bring myself to do it." That doesn't bode well, my inner me says. Well, the inner me that isn't screaming on the ground in pain.
"So that's a no, then?"
"Yeah... you're just too good of a friend." Pfft, my inner me says. We are not that close. But it's okay, by this time I'm just relieved that I'm no less sane than I ever was.
I'd like to appologize for any major grammatical errors, which I blame on Goldi for rushing me. And I dedicate it to everyone lacking an inner Gryff.